thoughts in quarantine

Hi, all. It's been a while. I hope quarantine has been treating you well, but I think what I really mean is that I hope you've been treating yourself well. It's been a long two months and enough confusion, frustration, and Netflix binges to last us a lifetime. The movies might romanticize it and the textbooks might not convey the intensity of the cabin fever, but luckily, we are here not only to tell the story but to write it as well. As the saying goes, the pen is mightier than the sword, so while this whole global pandemic may seem unfair or daunting, it's also opportunistic, because it's forcing us into a position of choice. We get to choose whether we prioritize progress or violence. whether we turn to self-pity or decide to be the change. whether we remain in the dark of ignorance or strive to educate ourselves. whether we open our eyes to the environmental changes or look the other way. whether we remain stagnant or we do not what is most comfortable or familiar, but what is right. who we put in positions of power. how we consume. We get to choose the legacy we leave behind.

For all, this means leading by example and doing our parts to flatten the curve. For some, this means starting a nonprofit organization and for others, it means donating to them. For the inspired, this means singing from rooftops and bridging our divides. For the healthcare workers and first responders, the public service workers and all the other essential workers, it means waking up every day unsure that they'll be able to come home without posing a threat to their families. For Nick Offerman and Amy Poehler, it means coming back for a reunion special to raise $3 million for the Feeding American's COVID-19 Relief Fund. For those of us limited to the confines of our own homes, it means painting and mirror photoshoots and baking and Tik Tok content and song-writing to capture the essence of these unprecedented times. For me, it means writing. Here are some poems and thoughts I've written over these past couple months. I'm new to this scene, but I hope my words strike a chord within you the same way they did for me.

Strictly From The Opening Lines of Emails I've Received During Quarantine

I hope you and your loved ones are safe and well

in these uncertain times.

As cases escalate,

Here's what you need to know:

You can't visit campus in person, but

We are excited to be able to provide many online opportunities!

Now is a great time to connect virtually.

Keep calm with everything 30% off.

10 Tips for Challenging times.

President Trump insists that things are looking up

Ahmaud Arbery was gunned down while jogging through a neighborhood. The U.S. just lost 20 million jobs.

We know your life may feel like it is on pause right now.

The emotional ups and downs are REAL.

There is a great deal of uncertainty.

Keep your at-home workouts going strong,

Prepare delicious meals from the pantry,

BE the difference.

During these unusual times,

In response to growing concern,

Despite many challenges.

daily musings (no. 1)

The daily trip to the mailbox has become an adventure

and getting in 10,000 steps has become a bit of a task.

I'm staying home, doing my part to flatten the curve;

going out is only half as fun, as I smile behind a mask.

rainbow people

people are colors. this is something we should all know. there are people dark as ink, people pale as snow. but there is something deeper, often overlooked, because it is easier to admire the surface than to explore what lays beneath it. they are the colors of people’s souls: daffodil yellow when a good song comes on the radio, lavender when someone you love loves you back just as much sweet peach when a piece of good news turns a bad week around. this can be a hard thing to do. we often miss the subtle moments, like the way the sun gleams off her cheekbones and the way his eyes contain a multitude of stars, the way the salt lingers on our skin even after we leave the ocean and the way our minds never forget the things that make us feel h a p p y. no, this is no easy thing. some may never look past the blinders or jump the fence or defy the careful path society has paved ahead. some will never see the entirely different world that one person can be.

quarantiner's lament

i need something to disrupt the monotony

because i've baked the banana bread

and i've curated the perfect playlist,

i've done the chloe ting workout

and i've personalized my animal crossing village,

i've gone through the books

and i've watched outer banks,

i've edited my pinterest boards

and i've hiked all the dunes,

i've daydreamed

and i've stared longingly out the window;

i desperately need something to disrupt the monotony.

daily musings (no. 2)

some good feelings i'd allowed myself to forget during this quarantine:

driving and catching all the green lights

facetiming a friend and getting to hear her pretty voice

noticing the spring tulips as they start to come in again

perfecting the art of making pasta using as few dishes as possible

never having to wear shoes

having a day's work done before 1:00pm

rolling out of bed the morning after a tough workout

the comfort of one's own company

the stillness of one's own thoughts.

impasse

In this room where I dream of brighter days and bigger change

and write down my thoughts as though that will speed everything up.

In this country where we give power to the weak

and we judge others based on everything that does not matter.

In our schools where we are taught gerunds and derivatives

yet we lack any sense of security, waiting for a kid who is

bitter and cruel to pull his trigger.

In our woods and our oceans and our reefs

where people can't see the detrimental effects of our

greedy consumerism and thoughtless actions

on our beautiful gaia.

In ourselves where we struggle to see the forest for the trees

and we are fighting battles we are too scared to share.

In this world where fear spreads like tar and wildfire

and everything else bad

and this virus has become a dictator amongst our world leaders.

We have come to a crossroads.

a Great Pause.

an impasse, if you will.

and with all that is going on in our minds and our schools and our planet and our world,

where do we go from here?

xerox people

in a world that screams conformity

and scorns a blemish

and scolds a misplaced hair.

you've fallen into its trap

and now you are just a copy of every stranger

I've ever met

as it were (a messy haiku)

i want a boyfriend

perfect five! coincidence?

no, this is a sign.

ode to abbey (cheers)

because you like doritos in your sandwiches

and you always like my retweets.

because you get excited over eggo waffles

and you offer me the chips that come with your grilled cheese order.

because you wait for me to get in the house safely before driving away

and you have an affinity for nail salons.

because you always watch the tik toks i send you

and you meet me in comfortable silence.

because you let me control aux

and you have a polaroid camera you've only ever really used with me.

because you love paget brewster

and you never turn down a last-minute idea.

because you see me for who i am

and you encourage the me i'm becoming.

because you like a boy who has nice calves

and you love the rest of us like a warm embrace.

because you listen just as well as you speak

and you can rock a pair of baby blue hunter boots.

because you have interesting observations i like to listen to

and you have more potential than a disney child actor.

because your smile was pretty when you had braces

and because it's just as pretty now.

because you are the love of my life

and because i can't wait to write the rest of our story.

cheers.

try bermuda angle

turn your face,

just a bit.

here, let me fix that for you.

you musn’t let anyone catch you at a bad angle,

of which we know you have many.

lighting is a fickle thing,

and with your looks?

it is everything.

daily musings (no. 3)

I've come to the conclusion that the folks in my neighborhood mow their lawns for fun. like, it was so nice out on Saturday and everyone was out trimming their bushes and wacking their weeds. now it's Tuesday and I just went for my run and the same people are cutting their grass again. I am convinced that they do this as a cure for boredom. can't say I blame them.

Today, When I Could Do Nothing

it is raining today.

a lot.

torrents,

tears,

creating puddles tainted with gasoline.

I decided to give myself a rest day,

but I imagine that if I were to run through the puddles,

my toes would soak all the way through,

and the rainbows would become warped.

it moves slowly and then it is upon you

to keep the boredom at bay,

I have tea and my books,

my playlists,

true crime podcasts,

time,

and silence vast enough to startle an ancient redwood forest.

gratitude in waves

parked car love

in the form of fran's baked confections

and eager laughter

and happy reunion

and garlic knots in peyton's driveway.

story book love

in the form of self-care

and face masks

and yoga as the sun says goodbye for the day.

sunday morning love

in the way mom bakes zucchini muffins on her day off

and dad sends you memes that he can't stop laughing at

but that you love mostly because he thinks they're so funny.

And The People Stayed Home (a rendition x3)

And the people stayed home.

And began to cross items off their to-do lists,

and test out that piccata recipe they'd been meaning to try their hand at.

And listened, and rested, and exercised,

and created something from nothing,

and shot the moon in hearts,

and became masters of time,

and learned new ways of being

And they looked up.

Some meditated, some prayed, some danced.

Some met their shadows.

And the people began to think differently.

They nurtured their wounds

and learned to love their scars.

And, in the absence of the

insensitivity

selfishness

greed

extraneous,

the earth began to heal, too.

And when the worst of the danger had passed,

and the people came together again,

they grieved their losses, and made new choices,

and created new dreams and visions for a broken

but healing

world.

And the people rejoiced.

What A Heart Yearns For

Roses are red,

I miss Sophie so much I could scream,

somebody get this girl

a damn KRISPY KREME

please, tell me how you really feel

how I really feel?

I feel trapped in the world’s ugly grip.

I feel naïve for believing the façades and the broken mirrors.

I feel cheated,

because my youth was tainted with feelings of distaste

not for the wrong ice cream flavor my mom bought from the grocery store

but for my own skin.

I feel angry because who is the world to tell me whether or not I’m beautiful?

(I am.)

and sometimes, I feel sad.

not for myself,

but for those who are still finding their way.

oh, I know they’ll get there eventually.

but trusting the process is hard

when the person looking back at you in the mirror

is someone you wish you could change.

something’s got to give

you want us to feel confident

yet you shoot us down

with your mouth of a gun

and the bullets on your tongue.

you show us we’re not good enough

YOU DON’T FIT THE BILL

unless you are

tall,

symmetrical,

silicone,

sophisticated,

thin

but

never

too

thin.

you judge us for what you’ve told us to be:

ourselves.

no, this won’t do.

something’s got to give.

Grandma, tell me a story

It was courageous to love at a time like this,

through the filter of a screen

and behind the protection of a mask

where the only indication of a smile

was the crinkle of an eye, urging you to feel

the warmth of interaction we'd all been craving in times like those.

Drones captured images of empty streets,

and even the Eiffel Tower felt lonely.

People lived in fear,

as days lost their meaning

and our prayers remained unanswered.

It was odd, that suddenly the masks we put on for everyone

in life before quarantine

were suddenly very real ones that provided a necessary sense of security.

An undercurrent of paranoia and fear.

Talk those days consisted of vaccines and our morbidly obese president

and statistics and cancellations and toilet paper and people doing good deeds

because in times like those, we needed all the light and inspiration we could get.

daily musings (no. 4)

"Light at the end of the tunnel"

Hm, well I think the tunnel is a light year long.

Don't forget to move your clocks ahead

until you just can't bring yourself to care.

Though I lounge around

in the valley of darkness, I fear no evil.

The thing I miss most is coffee dates

and coming home with the fragrance

of coffee beans in my hair and

on my clothes.

I'm throwing away all my jeans

because they don't bring me joy

Ross and Rachel were on a break,

pineapple does not belong on pizza,

crocs are a fashion abomination,

nuts have no place in ice cream,

and people who poach animals deserve a special place in hell.

I remember traffic in the high school parking lot

I remember waiting in lines

I remember impulsive ice cream runs

and last-minute plans

I don't know what's worse: the global pandemic

Or being tagged in viral challenges.

Watching people's stories 12 seconds after they've posted.

I promise I'm not a creep, I'm just

extremely

bored.

My eyes are crossed after scrolling through Twitter,

and I've come to the conclusion that

some people are morons

and I don't care for people who have their heads

up their asses.

Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.

Nurses are the real poets.

If I get another email that starts with "in these uncertain times,"

I'm going to lose it.

I just watched SNL At-Home and I think I'm going to ask Colin Jost to marry me

in these uncertain times

I just ugly cried because I used the last of the parmesan cheese

and Mom said we can't just go to the grocery store

in these uncertain times

This has been good practice

for if I ever become a ghost.

I haven't read Eat, Love, Pray

but I think that's what's next.

I didn't think I'd be this bored at the end of the world

I just need to know that Keytar Bear is okay.

praying to the hippie gods (how did things go so wrong so fast?)

in the midst of a global pandemic, the frequencies are amiss

and none of our tarot cards could have prepared us for this.

our chakras are not aligned

and our third eye has gone blind.

the CBD is starting to lose its effect;

there is no longer a haze between me and what is wrecked.

there are killer bees and empty shelves;

the world's redemption is up to ourselves.

our president is telling us to drink bleach

there are idiots protesting that we reopen the beach,

and the greatest country in the world is holding on by a string.

did we manifest the wrong thing?

Lessons From Quarantine

Family hikes are easy to make fun of,

but they really do heal the soul.

Your girlfriends have the ability to make you laugh from your gut

even if you have to settle for FaceTime.

Sourdough starter teaches you the art of patience.

A watched pot does boil.

We can make our lists and set our intentions, but life listens to none of this,

and placing expectations on our lives is like

trying to contain the seven seas in a teacup.

daily musings (no. 5)

as i was stretching for my run,

i looked up and saw a robin sitting in her nest.

a few weeks ago, we noticed her

but that was before she became a mama.

today, i looked up and i saw little babies

peeking their heads up, begging for

something to eat.

it reminded me that even when the world

feels like it's on pause

and this pandemic is controlling our lives,

life will go on.

home becomes santuary (a haiku i rather like)

moon and stars wonder,

where have all the people gone?

left to sit and wait

thank you, mr. UPS guy (a haiku for my gratitude)

e-learning.

knock at the door: UPS!

a welcome reprieve

upside down (a haiku for my cabin fever)

summer's almost here

and yet no one is outside.

this does not feel right.

quarantine sentiments (a haiku for the people who don't listen)

hello air high-five

between friends who meet again

but hands that do not

for ur troubles (a haiku born of frustration)

your face frozen on

my screen. these days, we all have

limited bandwidth.

in this political climate? (a haiku for a sideways world)

need worldwide testing,

leader with higher IQ

safe schools, no cages

a silent prayer (a haiku because we need hope)

home alone, we can

feel the sun, watch the stars, thrive

together while apart